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From: Martian Dainey - Rea Category: Art Date: 11 November 2008 Time: 10:55 AM Review: Women are colder then men because of the insubstantiality of their flimsy undergarments and the serious lack of healthy well mannered gentlemen from the rural settlements in this current state of Great Browness that we all find ourselves struggling with, a serious lack of regional sportsmen who would quite naturally in the general scheme of things, take on the responsibilities of entertaining, guiding , warming and absorbing the fine qualities of their chilly, feminine counterparts. Take today for example; Martinmass, the day when strong-boned folk, cottagers and noblemen alike would usually take up a turnip, hollow the jack o lantern before attending on the fashion of the day; the tasting of meat; the tasting of wines, hearty call and reply choruses through the lanes and highways, even in the city sportsbars and pole dancing café's. The day should be also used to give riddles and poems about palindromes, riding an ass backwards, cross-dressing games, giving to the poor and needy just as St Martin of Tours is commemorated, with feasting upon goose and sharing the fruits of the years labours, but what do we get ? I arrived for a ten o clock appointment in the City of Truro assizes at exactly eleven o clock, in my haste a yelled my apologetic Martinmasse greeting as I sprinted into the office! What did I get ?, glum faces of young women secretarial clerks standing stock still in total silence for what seemed an eternity.