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Northampton an English town

From:     J
Category: Life
Date:     10 April 2007
Time:     07:25 AM


Seems to be somewhere between Milton Keynes and Oxford. Closer to Keynes emotionally. Leaving 
London, and travelling by motorway guided by one of those computer printouts from the AA, you get 
absolutely no idea where you are going, the directions included a street named the promenade, I was 
able to fantasize that Northampton might be a beach resort. 

The outskirts, quite close to the centre actually, include top quality big box shops like Tk Maxx, Toys R 
Us, and Brantanos? the shoe chain. The innards are a large market square, some pretty civic 
buildings, and various warehouse/factory buildings which are also not unattractive. The only problem 
with English towns is the English. All is ruined, bespoiled by takeaways and chain stores, not one iota 
of culture or tradition remains except for the architecture, which the blundering barabarians might as 
well rip down too. The population appears as aggro-sullen short-haired men in t-shirts or suits, 
laughing women a little fancied up, and a few sadly conformistly rebellious goths. Any stranger will be 
immediately made unwelcome by the stares of the population should they venture into a bar or 
takeaway, whilst in the possession of an annoyingly metropolitan appearance.

As night falls the whole become a vicious scene , a giant stag and hen night, bereft of joy, just drunk 
lad and lasses shouting, mewling, vomiting, fallen over, ambulances, cops, cars, cctv, perhaps this is 
our English tradition, the same thugs who slaughtered the French at Agincourt. A few Somali 
immigrants can be seen, adding colour, wondering what luck landed them in this hell hole, perhaps 
grateful that the violence is mild and contained relative to back home. 

There we leave our lovely English town, some brave souls perhaps beavering away, unseen,  to 
introduce gastro-pubs and art galleries and coffee shops for the middle classes (It's only an hour from 
London, you know!) and to deport the thugs still further to estranged lands in uglier outskirts and 
concete blocks or nice mock-tudor house somewhere where Guardian readers won't see them. What 
luck we got Capitalism so early, for it means we have nothing left to worry about besides property 
prices, we have thrown off the chains of religion and culture, and look forward to many more years of 

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