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From: J Category: Life Date: 10 April 2007 Time: 07:25 AM Review: Seems to be somewhere between Milton Keynes and Oxford. Closer to Keynes emotionally. Leaving London, and travelling by motorway guided by one of those computer printouts from the AA, you get absolutely no idea where you are going, the directions included a street named the promenade, I was able to fantasize that Northampton might be a beach resort. The outskirts, quite close to the centre actually, include top quality big box shops like Tk Maxx, Toys R Us, and Brantanos? the shoe chain. The innards are a large market square, some pretty civic buildings, and various warehouse/factory buildings which are also not unattractive. The only problem with English towns is the English. All is ruined, bespoiled by takeaways and chain stores, not one iota of culture or tradition remains except for the architecture, which the blundering barabarians might as well rip down too. The population appears as aggro-sullen short-haired men in t-shirts or suits, laughing women a little fancied up, and a few sadly conformistly rebellious goths. Any stranger will be immediately made unwelcome by the stares of the population should they venture into a bar or takeaway, whilst in the possession of an annoyingly metropolitan appearance. As night falls the whole become a vicious scene , a giant stag and hen night, bereft of joy, just drunk lad and lasses shouting, mewling, vomiting, fallen over, ambulances, cops, cars, cctv, perhaps this is our English tradition, the same thugs who slaughtered the French at Agincourt. A few Somali immigrants can be seen, adding colour, wondering what luck landed them in this hell hole, perhaps grateful that the violence is mild and contained relative to back home. There we leave our lovely English town, some brave souls perhaps beavering away, unseen, to introduce gastro-pubs and art galleries and coffee shops for the middle classes (It's only an hour from London, you know!) and to deport the thugs still further to estranged lands in uglier outskirts and concete blocks or nice mock-tudor house somewhere where Guardian readers won't see them. What luck we got Capitalism so early, for it means we have nothing left to worry about besides property prices, we have thrown off the chains of religion and culture, and look forward to many more years of destruction!